Improve feedback in your 1:1s with these questions

Asking better questions will get you better answers. Here's how.

Want feedback but are met with silence when you ask? Or promises to think about it? Or told that everything is good?

Changing how we word and ask questions can make a world of difference and get you real feedback right there in the moment.

❌ "Have you got any feedback for me?"
✅ “Is there anything I do, or my process, that makes a part of your job harder than it otherwise would be?”

What makes a good question?

You need to think about what you want to know and then how you can help someone think of an answer. Questions work well if they are focused to narrow the scope, softened to remove any nervousness in answering, and are anchored to something that helps them recall events.

For example, let's say that you want to know if you are doing anything that's annoying or frustrating your team. Many people will struggle to tell their manager they are being annoying (If you feel like you can, you probably have a great manager!). They will worry about being petty. The fear of being petty or “wrong” blocks a lot of people from sharing valuable feedback. Instead:

✅ Is there anything I do, or my process, that makes a part of your job harder than it otherwise would be?

• Focused on actions or processes instead of “you”

• Anchored on “your job harder” to help them think

• By being less personal, it’s also softened

• Additionally softened with “harder than it otherwise would be” instead of "annoying"

This is immediately easier to answer. They may now be able to raise that the time tracking you are asking them to do is frustrating and time-consuming, that you ask for things at very short notice and it can be hard to stay in the zone, or that the strict enforcement of mypy you imposed is really slowing down work.

Receiving the feedback

It's really important that you don't get defensive. If you slip into that mindset, you will make them regret answering, and next time they will just tell you everything's good. Be very aware of your emotions in this moment.

The answer is likely to fall into a handful of categories which are best summed up as either you changing or explaining.

1. You didn't realise and are happy to stop.

Great, tell them that and thank them for raising it.

2. You know a change you can make to address that problem but still get the value.

For example, you actually only require a small part of that document people need to fill in — “Let me delete the extra columns. Is that better?”. It still helps to explain the value of the rest of it.

3. You know it’s annoying but can't change it (e.g. it’s enforced by your manager or has sufficient value).

Provide some context. Maybe you are working on removing it, or it's required for SOC II which is essential for your customers, or you know it's annoying but it genuinely adds a lot of value to you.

If it is the case that it's valuable, it helps to ask if there’s a way you can still get this value with less of a burden on them. They may have a solution that works for you both, or they will at least have a better understanding. Try asking them to raise it in the next retrospective to see if others have ideas — or raise it yourself.

4. You are surprised and don't know what to say.

Ask questions — you don't need to commit to anything right now. “Oh, I didn't know that, that’s really useful to know. Are you having to do that a lot?”. Find out a bit more. You can ask for ideas on how to improve it.

Ultimately, if you’re unsure how to act, you can close it out with “Thanks for telling me, I’ll think more about that and get back to you next time”.

But you need to follow through! This is what separates good and bad leaders. If you don't change anything and never mention it again, it's going to destroy your ability to get answers in future. Following through is where you build trust and credibility — not by just asking the questions. Generally, this is going to mean one of the other response types once you have had time to process.

Should you provide questions in advance?

I tend to ask these questions in the moment. I know some people like to provide them in advance — it allows someone time to think and can yield better information. But answers can also be less candid and more manufactured.

I do think feedback questions can be really good in advance, but I personally value feedback both in 1:1s this way and as a regular process where people do have time to think — but more on that in a future post.

My other favourite feedback questions

One of my favourite questions is:

✅ What did a former manager do that you valued, which I haven't adopted yet?

It's anchored in a former manager’s actions and softened in that you’re interested in trying to adopt something. You now get to learn from managers you've never met!

For getting company feedback try:

✅ When have you been disappointed with a decision or the direction that the company has gone in the past quarter?

You can see the same structure, not “have you”, not “if”, but “when”. It strongly suggests that it’s normal and expected to have an answer, and not an empty question. “past quarter” just limits the period their brain is searching through, making it easier.

Data Leaders Handbook

You can find lots more of my 1:1 questions in my recently published Data Leaders Handbook that you can access right now for free. I have lots more similar resources to share that I think will help you become a great leader in data. The best way to get notified of updates is to subscribe here.

What are your favourite 1:1 questions? let me know in the comments or on LinkedIn.